my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
