from now on my penis is your penis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dear god my vagina.
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