ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
