I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
