take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
