Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
