Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
