I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
