just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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