oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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