OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
