Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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