just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
