you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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