I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
