We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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