You just made me feel so damn special
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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