My first STD was from a foam party
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
