Can i not drive my cunt home
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
