he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
