just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
