this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
