I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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