If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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