So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
