Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
