I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
