i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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