i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The air was thick with penises
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
