In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
