dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
