He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
