Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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