Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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