that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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