I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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