his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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