she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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