Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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