Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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