I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
