God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I still have a little drunk in my system
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
