Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
