My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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