what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We're too hungover to prance.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
