Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
