I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
