Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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