You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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