Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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