i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
