i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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