Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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