wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
