Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
