hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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