Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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