she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
