Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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