We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
soo... how was my night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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