By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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