Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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