between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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