be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
