he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
