im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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