WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
