Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
