is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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