Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
