Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
