She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
